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Addiction of a broken heart.
Esther Perel. She turned my world around. A fantastic strong woman, who says Monogamy doesn’t exist.
She is absolutely right and yet everybody is searching for it. For the unconditional Love, which also doesn’t exist.
A great ambition of Love is to be "the One".
That’s right and yet it is an illusion. “To be the one at a time”. – she says. Right again. We change our partners several times during our lifetime.
Happily ever after.
The couples, those who you think are happy ever after, whom you see on the streets holding hands. The reality is – nobody is happy ever after. Those couples have survived the crashes, infidelity, broken fences, broken hearts. They stayed together not because of the unconditional love but just because of the down to earth financial reasons. Maybe because they didn’t want to share the conflict of their own with the relatives, colleges, etc. To keep the appearance of happiness is different from living it.
"One at a time"
And now I am thinking: “one at a time”. How long should be that “time”? A second? A day? A week? Maybe one year? Can you see the end? I know there is an end and I want to save myself from pain and still, I am already in pain just because I know there is the end. Paradox. Contradiction in itself.
Awareness of danger.
What to do? How to save your heart from pain? Does anybody know? Because there is always the pain. As soon as you open your heart to trust, the deception won’t let you wait for long.
Some decide to keep their hearts in a safe place and as soon as they see the danger of feeling too much, they block, turn around and go away. Is that a solution?
I don’t think so.
Isn't it better to suffer a broken heart than not to feel your heart at all?
Get together and be aware of the end. Not that the end comes to you as a surprise. It won’t save you from pain, but at least you wouldn’t fool yourself.
What if...
What is it if physical attraction becomes something else. Addiction? It is not love in any way. And what if it could be growing into love? How deep can you allow the physical touch go into your soul? Because some of the touches don’t stay on the surface. They intrude your beeing to the very mid.
Illusion.
It’s so safe to theorize from a safety of your secure world behind the closed doors. There is always a moment of the decision. Be careful to make the right one. The experience of the years is pulling me back not allowing me to let go, to feel. Stay calm, keep a distance and the illusion of love would disappear by itself.
The doubts have arrived.
Is the one you’ve chosen worthful your trust? Your happiness? The unavoidable pain? Is it all worth playing again, this wonderful and yet dangerous game of love if you know already how it ends.
The decision to be dead or alive...
I’ve decided for being alive. To live through all the unbearable emotions, survive for another time and become stronger just because I’ve lived. Isn’t the Life itself Happiness, Pain, Struggle, Errors, and Victories?
So let’s live full, let’s be happy, unhappy and happy again. That is what Life is about. If even just for a second….
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